10 signs of NOT living in the Present Moment - plus 3 Ways to COME BACK!

I am a passionate writer and teacher on the subject of presence not only because I respect and appreciate its power, but because I know first-hand what it feels like to be UNpresent.

My hope is that by showing you some of the ways non-presence has shown up in myself, these may bring some clarity and truth to your Present Moment journey so far.

My father recently shared with me an exercise his art teacher had given his group while working with charcoal. She asked the art students to look an at object and draw the light and shadow around the object, rather than the object itself. He loved the challenge and I’m going to suggest we use a similar technique now to help you see what presence means to you by drawing on your experience of its opposite.

I am a passionate writer and teacher on the subject of presence not only because I respect and appreciate its power, but because I know first-hand what it feels like to be UNpresent. I realise with hindsight I have spent parts of my life living unconsciously, in a kind of slumber, showing up for life in my body, but being absent in my mind, heart and spirit. (Being present with my grandmother as she died reminded me of this).

​Today I see my many experiences of non-presence as a gentle reminder of the power of living with presence. My hope is that by showing you some of the ways non-presence has shown up in myself, these may bring some clarity and truth to your life journey so far. Please be gentle with yourself as you read these. This sharing is not about blame or guilt, simply planting some seeds of awareness.

10 Signs I'm NOT living in the Present Moment

1. I have to ask someone to repeat themselves because I wasn’t listening, I was thinking about or distracted by something else.
2. I start writing my mental shopping list or solving a problem in the middle of sex. 
3. I refuse to sit still long enough for my daughter to speak to me, instead asking her to follow me around the house because I’m busy with something else that can’t wait. 
4. I get fidgety during a boring work Zoom call, turn off the camera and start on something else. 
5. When I’m interrupted by a phone call or someone walking in while I’m in the middle of something, I feel my neck tighten, sigh audibly and want the conversation to be over before it’s begun. 
6. When listening to someone speak, I butt in with my opinion before they have a chance to get the last word out.
7. I see every little unexpected interruption of my ‘flow’ as a annoyance, rather than accepting what’s happening in the present moment
8. I feel a general sense of unease, like wherever I am and whatever I’m doing, I should be somewhere else doing something else.
9. I start to feel fragmented in my mind, like a mosaic waiting to be made, bits of broken tiles lying everywhere with nothing ‘coming together’. (This feeling is quite common when I’ve been over-scrolling on social media or jumping from one thing to another for too long).
10. I feel anxious and in need of space and time to myself, get snappy and short tempered with everything and everyone. (This is a sure sign I haven’t been present enough to create spaciousness within and between the things I’ve been doing and the conversations I’ve been having).

3 Ways to come back to Present-Moment Living

#1 - Stop denying the Present Moment - Accept it
Renowned speaker and spiritual teacher on this topic is Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now and A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. He knows his stuff! He says the first step to responding to any situation is accepting what arises in the present moment. When something happens he suggests you say to yourself: ‘Ok, this is happening right now, this is what I’m feeling in reaction to this right now.’

It sounds really basic and unsexy, however, put this into practice for a day or two and I guarantee you'll feel a profound shift in your mood, energy, and potentially, your stress and anxiety levels. Over the next two days, every time you feel your mind or body contract in response to something you hear, see or experience, simply say to yourself: ‘OK, this is happening.’ Then, exhale, and take your next step from that place, the present moment.

We all struggle with something in our lives some of the time. Although our struggles might be different, I think the most common struggle we all share is fighting and struggling with the present moment, with the reality of what’s going on. It’s happening, let’s accept it, and claim our power and energy back. Remember, accepting the present moment is not the same as accepting the situation. You're not accepting bad behaviour or an unsafe situation, just accepting the reality of what happened in the moment - then taking action.

#2 - Watch and Learn from our Children
Have you ever yelled at your child for being too slow, too distracted, unfocused? Every adult human does at some point. One of the magic super powers of childhood is that children – for the most part – live and lose themselves in the present moment. As a parent this can drive you crazy some times. Just walk a toddler down a street full of trees, flowers and butterflies to see this in action.

There’s a Buddhist expression that suggests seeing each day and each moment with fresh eyes, or a child’s eyes, as if you’re seeing and experiencing everything for the first time. I’m not suggesting we all walk around mimicking kids. But they are a beautiful reminder of what it feels like to slow down, observe and experience each and every moment. The other absolute gem of wisdom to be gained from observing children is their energy. When a child emerges after being deeply engrossed in activity they are either super calm or super refreshed and energised - sometimes both.

#3 - Do just one thing at a time
The concept of Mindfulness has definitely become mainstream, but it's still tempting as a woman to multi-task in order to 'get everything done', then simply sip tea or coffee mindfully during your break. Science has shown us that multi-tasking is not only unproductive, but can leave you feeling frazzled, fragmented and dissatisfied. 

In this age of digital distraction, focusing on one thing at a time is a rare and beautiful thing that can improve your mental health and leave you feeling more calm, centred and a whole person. I find it simpler to focus on one thing when I remove other distractions, especially pinging devices. Focusing on one thing at a time - whether it's what you're eating sipping, smelling in the garden, watching listening or working on - has the added benefit of a sense of completion and ending. When you finish the task or experience you can sit with it, inhale the sense of completion, or just the beauty of the moment, and savour it for a moment, before you move on the the next thing. 

And let's face it, there is always a 'next thing' to do. If you're usually a multi-tasker, try what I call 'duo tasking'.  Do two things at the same time but make sure only one requires mental focus so you’re not fragmenting your mind. You may already be duo-taking: folding the washing while listening to a podcast; planning your day while walking; decluttering while listening to music; chopping vegetable while listening to the news.  

Whenever you see or feel the signs of NOT living in the Present Moment,  simply come back. Don't come back because you feel bad, or that you've failed, but because it feel good to be here, now, in the present moment. It's a place of great power and peace.